tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8106181.post109929281268957854..comments2024-01-22T23:33:34.603-06:00Comments on Bad Mama: Now I'm Really Feeling Sorry For Myself, And I Don't CareCarriehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02744805149899440965noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8106181.post-1109281554717391622005-02-24T15:45:00.000-06:002005-02-24T15:45:00.000-06:00i am a total stranger, reading your archives, seve...i am a total stranger, reading your archives, several months late. <br /><br />but peanut is a beautiful happy baby, and i am so happy for you that you have her. <br /><br />i have rheumatoid arthritis, and i understand how you can be so very happy with what you've got, and still wish bitterly for something else.betsylhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00470025563101382980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8106181.post-1099332971115826252004-11-01T12:16:00.000-06:002004-11-01T12:16:00.000-06:00Thank you all for your comments, I really apprecia...Thank you all for your comments, I really appreciate them. I came from a very "suck it up" kind of household, and it is hard for me to have perspective about this sort of thing sometimes. <br /><br />Vys, I know you've been reading my blog for a while, and I don't think anyone who sincerely is showing support and encouragement is anything but kind. And a few years ago, I would have probably said the same things you did to someone feeling the pain I am now feeling. I apparently did not get across in my post, however, that I have been trying to be positive all along, and I think that is my problem. I wasn't allowing myself to wallow in self-pity at all, to grieve for my dreams for my child and my family. There were too many doctor visits, a husband who felt even more helpless than I, a a new grandfather who couldn't talk about her without crying. So now it has kind of caught up with me, and I guess I need to be the one who gets comforted. You might be interested in reading some of the infertility blogs I have linked to, to hear some other perspectives on this sort of thing. <br /><br />Claudia, you are one of the people who have gone through something so much worse than I that I get the guilty feeling for complaining about this at all. I appreciate you posting here, in part because it reminds me it isn't a matter of who has it worse, it is that we both had it bad and so it is okay to say so. If you can get through your son's death, I can get through this. It does suck to be an adult sometimes. And I believe a dandelion will help, thank you :-)<br /><br />Anna, Honey, you are so hard on yourself. You and I come from the same kind of family, so I do know where you are coming from. And I know that you aren't giving yourself nearly enough credit. If things are wrong, it must be your fault, right? Your last couple of years have been way more stressful than mine, and you've done this with far less support. Your son is beautiful, and there is no finer mother for him than you, and he will know that. You are stronger than you know. Thank you so much for the virtual hug.Carriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02744805149899440965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8106181.post-1099301977738135522004-11-01T03:39:00.000-06:002004-11-01T03:39:00.000-06:00Odd, I've been thinking about Julie's post as well...Odd, I've been thinking about Julie's post as well over the weekend. The lost innocence of being pregnant is something I mourn along with my dead baby. It's as if one has stepped out of the sheltered life and is now facing harsh reality -- we know too much to live in peace. <br /><br />I understand your longing to be back in that place -- or to be there once, at all. I want to re-capture this innocence as well. <br /><br />Something I read lately came to my mind. Paraphrasing here: "As I came downstairs at 9:30, the last kid finally in bed, I realized my work was just about to begin - dishes to wash, laundry to fold, lunches to pack. I wondered if a grown-up would show up and relieve me of all this - and then I realized I was the grown-up."<br /><br />I feel like that, often. Can someone come and help me? Can someone magically take the angst away, the churning feeling in my guts, the ever-present guilt?<br /><br />Alas, no one can do that. So we just meddle through. You, and I, and Julie. <br /><br />If I could magically bestow a healthy, happy pregnancy upon you, I would. World peace is too big for me, but giving you some peace of mind and happiness, I'd do that.<br /><br />I'll blow a dandelion for you. Maybe it helps.<br /><br /><br />ClaudiaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8106181.post-1099300118895520812004-11-01T03:08:00.000-06:002004-11-01T03:08:00.000-06:00Of course that is not to much to ask, and although...Of course that is not to much to ask, and although it seems worthless coming from a complete stranger but, "don't stress yourself out about it so much". It's like the theory that says if you think you will get better, than you will; but if you keep dwelling on how sick you are, you won't get any better. Try your hardest (and I know it must be very very hard) to concentrate on the positive (what could, what will be) rather than any negative. You seem like the sweetest woman, and your baby is just adorable. You two (and any more that might come along) will do just fine. =)Vystrisshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06021171960487979425noreply@blogger.com