Memo To Peanut

We play Honk the Nose in this house, not Honk the Nipple. At least when your daddy isn't home.

She slept through the night last night! Yay!

Sooo Tired

I have wanted to write about how great things have been with Peanut since her cast came off, but things have not been great. I am here now because I am escaping her crying, which has continued on-and-off (though mostly on) for the last two hours because I won't pick her up and carry her around all night long. This has been an issue, both day and night, for the last week. First, we thought it was pain in her leg, because as soon as you brushed her foot she would cry inconsolably for a good half an hour. Yet just before that happened, we could be touching and playing with and moving that foot, so while it could be some nerve pain, I don't believe it is cry-for-30-minutes nerve pain. Then, we realized that she had a little fever, and a molar coming in, and also seemed to cry when she wet her diaper. So we took her to the pediatrician, who said she maybe had a UTI but couldn't tell without more invasive testing, and maybe it was teething pain, so just keep giving her pain meds and watch to see if she cried when she wet. Sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn't. Most often, she cries when she wants something she can't have, but then she cries and cries and cries, as much or more as when she was a newborn. So stress, teething, some leg pain, all of these are probably contributing. None of this helps when my muscles are seizing up from holding her and she is refusing to go to sleep.

Oh, and it looks like I'm going back to work full-time in a couple of weeks. Perfect timing.

To Peanut, At 18 Months

Peanut, I want to thank you for a gift that you have given me. Because of you, I have truly been able to let go of past regrets over choices I have made in my life. All the wrong turns I made were in reality the right ones, because without them, I might never have had you in my life. I too now understand why some parents are always pushing to be made grandparents. One of my greatest wishes for you is that you are able to have a daughter or son someday and feel the tremendous love for them that I feel for you, because it is the greatest gift I have ever been given. You rock, little girl.

Better Late Than Never

I bought Peanut some pajamas with little ballerinas all over them, with a shirt that says "Future Prima Ballerina".

There is no way I could have done this even a few months ago. But looking at those adorable pjs, I came to a realization that perhaps I should have come to a long time ago:

It isn't that I want her to be a ballerina, it's that I want her to feel graceful and beautiful when she moves.

It isn't that I want her to be a fighter pilot, it's that I want her to feel powerful and competent and able to do things that some men think she can't.

It isn't that I want her to be a soccer star, it's that I want her to feel strong and energetic and comfortable with her body.

It isn't that I want her to climb Mt. Everest, it's that I want her to be able to enjoy the outdoors and appreciate nature.

It isn't that I want her to be a beauty queen, it's that I want everyone else to recognize how gorgeous and talented she is.

I can help her with most of those things. I can help her to feel good about herself, I can feed her healthy foods and get her outside and active, I can encourage her to develop into the kind of person she wants to be. I can't fix her legs, but I can tell her how proud I am of her, and how confident I am in her strength, and how much I love her.

Loose Ends

She's fine. In some pain now that the hip is moving, but that will ease over the next couple of days. She no longer smells like a zoo or appears to be shedding her shell now that she's had a bath. She isn't moving the right leg yet, but I am hopeful that as the pain lessens that will change. No more surgeries are scheduled for now, and she doesn't have to see that doctor until November, when he will make sure her hip is still in place and take a baseline x-ray of her spine (AMC patients often develop scoliosis, although we don't think that will be an issue with her).

After she stops hurting, the swimming pool awaits!

We are going to stay with Carlos. I put the quotation marks around his name after realizing people didn't realize he wasn't actually Catie's uncle--more like unofficial godfather. He's one of my oldest friends, and I have stayed with him plenty of times, including the time that led to me meeting Big Daddy. And considering the old apartment, I was not sure his new one would be big enough or appropriate for keeping Peanut there. He has assured me that it is, and I believe him. I wasn't implying he isn't nice to stay with--he is, and I had planned to come back and visit him another time if we didn't stay with him this time--just that I might have more time to relax and be pampered if we were in a hotel. Despite--or perhaps because of--having lived in New York City, I still have this fantasy of being there with some actual money and enjoying all the fancy stuff money can get you in that city (not that I currently have much actual money, but I have enough to eat which is more than I can say for when I lived there). But, as Carlos is planning on babysitting Peanut while we attend the wedding (it is smack dab in the middle of her nap, which is why she won't be coming as it wouldn't be fun for anyone), it will certainly be easier for all of us not to be shuttling back and forth between a hotel and his apartment.

That's it.