Sunday, September 04, 2005

A Small Fantasy

So at the National Review Online, they are suggesting that the next Republican Convention be held in New Orleans in 2008, as a symbol of their "commitment to rebuilding New Orleans" (apparently they're breaking with Hastert on this).

I think that's a fine idea.

I think the convention should be held in the Superdome. Tours could be given.

"This is one of many places in the dome where a woman was raped. Over there, you can see where one of the babies that died spent his first and last week of life. And if you'll just look across the way, there, the railing above the the pressbox? That's where a man jumped to his death, after telling people he had nothing left. And now is time for the exciting part of our tour. We're ready!

[The tour guide shouts, and the lights go out] Power went out during the early stages of the hurricane, so we wanted to give you a taste. And while we can't take the roof off to let the rain pour in, hah hah, I'll use this hose to hose you all down, and we'll just let it run for a while around your feet. Here's a bucket of human waste to pass around. Now you have some idea of the smell. But wait, better hang onto that bucket! Because the best part of the tour is about to begin!

Yes, the doors are locking as we speak, and with the power shut off, the air-conditioning will stop working, and the power-assisted toilets will stop flushing. And I hope you thought to bring a case of bottled water, because there isn't going to be any for you for a while. Sorry, no food either, because we wouldn't want you getting too comfortable for this next week! You might not want to leave! Oh, don't let me forget to mention, if you didn't think to grab your medication on your way here, I'm afraid you won't be able to replace it. I'm sure your doctor prescribed that heart medication for you just for the kickbacks from the drug companies, and you'll be just fine.

I hear some grumbling in the back, something about this isn't what you signed up for. Well, no, I don't imagine so, but you know that at any time, your party leadership can come and get you. They aren't actually here now, you know. Condi Rice is on vacation, shopping for shoes right now. Nobody knows where Dick Cheney is. And your president? He's on a helicopter right now, taking an aerial tour. I know he understands how frustrated you are right now. But Trent Lott's house is bigger and better than before, so I'm sure that will bring you some comfort! If it doesn't, please note that rifles will be available on your way out, in about seven days".


Mel said...

Lurker coming out to say I LOVE this post! I think that's a great idea. But I also think those tours should be given to the top officials this coming week while the stench is still strong and the bodies are still there....

angel said...

It’s so surreal its like something straight out of a big budget Kevin Costner movie- just without the happy ending. Has the world gone mad?

Jen said...

I think you meant Superdome, not Astrodome. Conditions in the Astrodome may not be stellar, but we are certaintly offering them a place to shower, use the restroom, sleep, and get medical attention. I don't believe anyone has committed suicide within the Astrodome, and the sick are getting medical care from some of the best doctors Houston has to offer.

Carrie said...

You're right, Jen, I did mean the Superdome--my excuse is that it was late and I was tired. T. didn't even catch it.

I know they're getting great care in Texas, I've been reading about what Texas Children's has been doing, for instance. They're sending about a thousand people up here too in the next week or so, to relieve y'all of some of the pressure.