Saturday, June 10, 2006

An Offer You Probably Should Refuse

Want to lose 8 pounds in four days (not including water weight)?

Want diet motivation you can't ignore?

Do I have the answer for YOU!

This amazing new diet system is called GALLBLADDER DISEASE!*

It's so simple, even a glutton like me can understand it!

Eating food = Moderate nausea, mild to moderate abdominal pain

Eating fatty food = Moderate to severe nausea, vomiting AND severe, unrelenting upper gastric pain

No food other than toast + severe nausea and vomiting = 8 pounds + 4 pounds water weight lost in ONLY FOUR DAYS!

Plus, it comes with an optional, most-expenses-paid** trip to a very clean room with expert caregivers ready to check on your well-being every four hours, and to take care of your every need with a simple push of a button!***

*Not recommended for anyone I actually like

**By insurance, if you have it

*** Bring your own pillow with a colored pillowcase, as theirs are always kind of flat and hard


Carlos said...

Oh no! I thought it was just your computer.

I will send you some mental solvent energy and wubba. Do you need anything tangible from New York?

Trish said...

Omgoodness, I hope you feel better soon.
I think I'll stick to the cabbage soup/grapefruit diet.

Mete said...

OUCH. Hope you're feeling better...

Dana said...

Bitch bitch bitch, at least your losing weight :)

Carrie's Mom (and damn proud of it) said...

Plagarism! This is a blatant take-off on the birth announcement created by you rfather after your brother was born - how to lose 6lbs. 7 oz. in just hours!
But really, I'm so sorry you inherited a bad gall bladder. At least I can blame it on someone who's no longer here to defend herself.

Jen said...

Yeah, my sister just had her gallbladder removed after suffering from this problem for over 4 years. She could just think about having a glass of milk and her ass would explode.

The first few months after surgery she was pretty bad off, but she is now 7 months post-op and doing great.