A Letter

Dear Insurance Company,

I am requesting that you approve payment for my prescription for Retin-A, despite the fact that I am over 25. I promise you that I am not using it for wrinkles. I need it because my daughter has developed a habit of scratching at every freckle and blemish on my face while I nurse her at bedtime. I am beginning to feel like a chimp being groomed. While yes, I could crane my neck away, I would then also lose the gentle stroking of my skin that she likes to do when I have no visible blemishes and she is bored with the freckles. Since my blemishes are due to a hormonal condition that made getting pregnant with her an unlikely, thought pleasant, surprise, I feel that I should qualify for an medical exemption to your rules, especially since she doesn't stop doing this I will go insane and you'll have to pay for all those meds and restraints which are far more expensive. Thank you.

Sincerely, Peanut's Mama