Where I Know Things Could Be Worse But I Bitch Anyway

Tonight was the way it is supposed to be:

T. gets home around 5:30 and Peanut wakes up. He goes in and plays with her while I start supper. We all eat together with Ella Fitzgerald playing in the background, and then he takes her and plays some more while I do dishes. T. brings her into the kitchen and dances with her while she smiles and giggles at me. When dishes are done he gives Peanut her bath and puts her to sleep, singing softly to her, while I settle onto the couch and start doing homework for class. He goes to bed early, after having a long and frustrating day at work, while I finish my reading and get on the computer to do my writing. Peanut stays asleep, and I will get to sleep by ten o'clock. Even the cats behaved.

No major crying (me or Peanut), frustration, exhaustion, phone calls from T. that wake Peanut up right after I get her down for the night. No feeling like the day will never end, like I will never ever have energy again, like T. will just always be gone and I will have to do this alone forever. I really hate his job. I hate him being gone so much. I know it got me a house and allows me to stay at home with Peanut and pay the bills. I know that most people don't get to have one parent work nine to five while the other stays home. I know even if we were that lucky we wouldn't always get nights like this. And I know that if he didn't have this job, I would also be working full-time and we'd be working different shifts and I still wouldn't see him much, and see much less of Peanut. It just doesn't seem like it would be that bad if it meant I would get more nights like I had tonight.

I like my husband. I miss him. This sucks.