Wednesday, January 26, 2005

For Those Coming From Dooce

I made one comment (well, now two) on dooce.com, and my traffic here tripled in about fifteen minutes. I had no idea that would happen. I used to wish I had more traffic on my site, but after seeing the kind of abuse dooce and karen and finslippy get, I think I'm kind of happy with my regular dozen or so readers, who are lovely and kind and supportive and also incredibly intelligent, talented, and gorgeous to look at.

Anyway, those of you trying to understand my comment would be served, I think, by going here, and then maybe here. There are links regarding her medical diagnosis on the sidebar. Something has been bothering me, though, that I want to make clear. I realize that some stuff I've written lately may have a "poor me" subtext going on, and that is the last thing I wanted. None of this is about me, it is about Peanut. She is the one with the tough road ahead, she is the one whom ultimately has to live her life with the decisions I make for her. My child is beautiful and perfect and I wouldn't trade her for a child that could push up or crawl for anything in the world. That doesn't mean, though, that I can't be sad or grieve for her, and it doesn't mean that my life isn't affected and that I can't be sad about that. Tertia put it beautifully, in this post, and better than I could ever say it. You can be happy and sad about the same thing at the same time. Maybe other people handle it better than I do, I don't know. I don't really care. This is me, this is my family, and I am entitled to all the feelings I have.

I am very lucky to have had many people be very kind and supportive to me. Every one of you that has taken the time, in person or online, to show empathy and give comfort, mean the world to me. Sometimes people, while trying to say something comforting, inadvertently say something that isn't. I know I have done this, probably a lot, and that is why I posted to dooce. I don't want others to make the mistakes that I have made. That's why I posted my comment, and that is why I write some of the things that I write here. Before I had my daughter, I wouldn't have understood either. Some people do, without having to try, but I wasn't one of them.

And I have said it before, and I will say it again: Just because someone puts up a public blog with comments doesn't make it ok for someone else to say rotten stuff or be critical of their decisions. If you met this person at a party and wouldn't say something to her/his face, perhaps you shouldn't post it to their blog. Rude is rude, whether you are on the internet or not.

1 comment:

becca said...

Hi Carrie, I just read what you wrote on the comments section of dooce.com and I totally agree with that and really feel your pain.

My son turned two in October and didn't walk until he was 22 months old. He was born with hydrocephalous, hemi-facial microsomia, moderate conductive hearing loss in his left ear, a deformed left ear, the list goes on.

He had brain surgery when he was only three weeks old for a shunt to be inserted. As far as the doctors are concerned, he will probably never be able to live without this shunt. And, it's like a pacemaker. If it malfunctions, it's time for another brain surgery and a new shunt. It's hard living in fear that your child could have surgery any week.

Instead of playgroups, we have numerous therapy sessions each week. Physical therapy, speech therapy, special instruction, occupational therapy. He's well over a year behind still. He's not talking, he's still clumsy when he walks.

I know what you mean when inconsiderate people say ignorant things like, "Oh, believe me, you don't want them to talk."

Or, "My kid was running all over the place at 10 months. Hah-hah. And, trust me, you don't want them mobile."

Uh, yeah.

I've gotten lots of comments such as this from the idiots of the world. I want to smack them.

Sorry for rambling on your blog, but I just wanted to let you know that there is another out here who knows exactly how you feel.

If your interested, feel free to check out my blog at www.lotsoflime.com. Take care of yourself and Peanut too.

Becca.