For Those Coming From Dooce

I made one comment (well, now two) on dooce.com, and my traffic here tripled in about fifteen minutes. I had no idea that would happen. I used to wish I had more traffic on my site, but after seeing the kind of abuse dooce and karen and finslippy get, I think I'm kind of happy with my regular dozen or so readers, who are lovely and kind and supportive and also incredibly intelligent, talented, and gorgeous to look at.

Anyway, those of you trying to understand my comment would be served, I think, by going here, and then maybe here. There are links regarding her medical diagnosis on the sidebar. Something has been bothering me, though, that I want to make clear. I realize that some stuff I've written lately may have a "poor me" subtext going on, and that is the last thing I wanted. None of this is about me, it is about Peanut. She is the one with the tough road ahead, she is the one whom ultimately has to live her life with the decisions I make for her. My child is beautiful and perfect and I wouldn't trade her for a child that could push up or crawl for anything in the world. That doesn't mean, though, that I can't be sad or grieve for her, and it doesn't mean that my life isn't affected and that I can't be sad about that. Tertia put it beautifully, in this post, and better than I could ever say it. You can be happy and sad about the same thing at the same time. Maybe other people handle it better than I do, I don't know. I don't really care. This is me, this is my family, and I am entitled to all the feelings I have.

I am very lucky to have had many people be very kind and supportive to me. Every one of you that has taken the time, in person or online, to show empathy and give comfort, mean the world to me. Sometimes people, while trying to say something comforting, inadvertently say something that isn't. I know I have done this, probably a lot, and that is why I posted to dooce. I don't want others to make the mistakes that I have made. That's why I posted my comment, and that is why I write some of the things that I write here. Before I had my daughter, I wouldn't have understood either. Some people do, without having to try, but I wasn't one of them.

And I have said it before, and I will say it again: Just because someone puts up a public blog with comments doesn't make it ok for someone else to say rotten stuff or be critical of their decisions. If you met this person at a party and wouldn't say something to her/his face, perhaps you shouldn't post it to their blog. Rude is rude, whether you are on the internet or not.